You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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