so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
