Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
