Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
