Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
