I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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