Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
