Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
