I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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