He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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