Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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