It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
