When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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