nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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