I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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