Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
