I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
