If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
