Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
