I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
