capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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