If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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