so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
