I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
