I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
