Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
