i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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