Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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