My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
