p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
