I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
