I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
