My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
