Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
