Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
