weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
