I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
