apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
