the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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