i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
