Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
