That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
