Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
