i need an iv and a liver transplant
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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