hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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