good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I skipped work to stalk him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
