i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
