I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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