its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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