my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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