Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
