so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
